Testimonials for the “Blow, Throw & Go” Method
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Lifesaving Tactics: Bacon Dispensers
I was recently walking home through the village park, having just purchased a whistle for my new Orangutan. I’m sure glad I had found your web site recently because, when I realized that a raptor was closing in I knew what to do. I dashed into the public restroom, where I found the typical bacon dispenser (see attached pic) and removed the whistle from the packaging. It was difficult to remain calm, but Blow, Throw, & Go was the only thing on my mind at that incredible moment. My Orangutan was not pleased about receiving a used whistle, however.– Alan Bruce
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Raptor Attack Preparedness Kit: Tactical Bacon
This is the most brilliant thing I have ever seen.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/wacky-candy/c399/It’s Tactical Canned Bacon that stays fresh for 10 years. Keep a can of this in your car and never worry about untimely raptor attack again.
Disclaimer: I’m not being paid to endorse this product… yet.
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Raptor Attack in the Windy City
Great news! This site saved my life this weekend while in Chicago! I was going for a leisurely stroll when I was ambushed by a pair of velociraptors. Using the blow, throw and go method I was able to survive the encounter. I must admit, while confident in your techniques, I was scared since I didn’t have fresh bacon on me; however, a combination of your teaching and quick thinking ultimately saved my life. Normally in such a situation I would have immediately grabbed my bacon amulet that I always keep hanging around my neck, but I had most likely lost it while fighting the notorious bum, “Sergeant Stab You in the Face,” in the championship round of the extremely legal hobo fighting cage match tournament I had participated in the prior night. I didn’t have my bacon amulet, but I remembered I had some Chicago style deep dish pizza that was loaded with bacon and I threw that instead.
Not only did I survive, but the pizza worked so well one of the raptors and I became friends. He’s taking a train to Toledo this weekend to hang out, maybe play some Playstation or catch a movie.
- Steve (Toledo, OH)
