How can I tell if my boss is a velociraptor?
I suspect my boss, John, is a velociraptor, before I stake him through the heart how can I be sure?
Thanks.
Steve B
Having a velociraptor for a boss is a sticky situation. He could fire you at any time, or he could just eat your face. Here are some ways to tell if your boss if a raptor.
- Bring a slab of raw bacon to work and put it on your desk. If it turns up missing, your boss is probably a raptor. If he tells you to get rid of it, he’s probably still a raptor and is trying to get you to throw it out so he can fish it out of the trash later.
- Lace your boss’s food with habanero pepper extract. If he is a raptor (or a very large bird) he won’t react to it because dinosaurs aren’t sensitive to capsaicin.
- The next time your boss gives you an unpleasant assignment, blow a whistle very loudly and run away. If you find that your boss has disappeared into the jungle in search of prey, he’s probably a raptor. If you come back to your desk and he’s standing there scowling at you, you’re probably fired.
Of course, in this down economy, having a raptor for a boss might just be an acceptable risk. If you are eaten by raptor, your next-of-kin can collect double life insurance. You’ll still be dead, but your relatives will thank you.
Keep it real,
- Doc V.