Raptors and Swine Flu
Lots of people are curious about the connection between raptors and the Swine Flu (pro-tip: there isn’t one).
I’ve read that eating extra bacon can boost my immune system and protect me from, among other things, the Swine Flu. Is that a fact or just another myth perpetrated by the Bacon Lobby? The reason I ask is, if I eat all of my bacon, I will be left defenseless against velociraptors and I fear blowing my whistle without backing it up with bacon will actually attract velociraptors to me instead of giving me time to escape.
Thanks.
Steve B
Can you contract the Swine Flu from sharing a restroom with a velociraptor?
Thanks.
Mr. Name Withheld
Dear Nitwit-helds,
A velociraptor is not a swine. Velociraptors eat swine, but eating pork is not a cause of swine flu. Bacon, as a pork product, will neither cause nor prevent swine flu, but it will make you delightfully obese.
You needn’t worry about running out of bacon, as the Bacon Lobby has plans to manufacture it from third world children in the event of a pig shortage.
My sources tell me that swine flu was invented by Rush Limbaugh to sell more copies of his latest book, The Necronomicon. As long as you don’t share the restroom with him, you’ll be fine.
Keep on truckin’,
Dr. V.