Raptor Attack in the Windy City
Great news! This site saved my life this weekend while in Chicago! I was going for a leisurely stroll when I was ambushed by a pair of velociraptors. Using the blow, throw and go method I was able to survive the encounter. I must admit, while confident in your techniques, I was scared since I didn’t have fresh bacon on me; however, a combination of your teaching and quick thinking ultimately saved my life.
Normally in such a situation I would have immediately grabbed my bacon amulet that I always keep hanging around my neck, but I had most likely lost it while fighting the notorious bum, “Sergeant Stab You in the Face,” in the championship round of the extremely legal hobo fighting cage match tournament I had participated in the prior night. I didn’t have my bacon amulet, but I remembered I had some Chicago style deep dish pizza that was loaded with bacon and I threw that instead.
Not only did I survive, but the pizza worked so well one of the raptors and I became friends. He’s taking a train to Toledo this weekend to hang out, maybe play some Playstation or catch a movie.
- Steve (Toledo, OH)