Are Velociraptors Even Real?
Are Velociraptors even real or do they belong on this here list: http://tinyurl.com/ylh4wm3
-Mickelbar Nelson
Dear “What the hell kind of a name is Mickelbar?”,
Seriously. Your mother is fired. Unless you are related to Craig T. Nelson, former star of TV’s Coach. That would be awesome.
So, let’s take a look through your list, which is titled “7 Lamest Yet Widely Believed Cryptozoological Hoaxes”. We’ve got three diseased rabbits, two snakes, some cardboard fairies, and something called a “fur-bearing trout”.
Fur-bearing trout, eh? Here’s the thing, Michaelmas. Velociraptors aren’t cryptozoological. They’re real. You can wander into any museum worth its bacon salt and see a raptor skeleton. Now, I know what you’re going to say: “But those skeletons are millions of years old! Raptors went extinct!” Horse d’ouevers! Velociraptors didn’t go extinct. They just went underground.
Let us consider the ninja. In ancient Japan, ninjas wandered around kicking ass. Now you hardly see any ninjas. But do you doubt that they’re still out there? Of course not. In conclusion, velociraptors eat ninjas for breakfast, with a side of fur-bearing trout.
So, Mickey Mouse, the choice is yours. But on the highly likely chance that raptors do end up killing you, please send your address so I can come to your house and rifle through your possessions.
Don’t stop believin’,
– Dr. V